“Fenced In” during COVID-19 Lockdown

Lockdown in the city.  Although social distancing could have been the answer to the dramatic effort to try to prevent the spread of COVID-19, stronger government measures have been required to enforce common sense measures like social distancing to prevent the spread of the virus.  As a result, most of us are in our homes for most of the day in Vancouver and many other places throughout the world.  Only Taiwan used the SARS experience to prepare adequately to manage this recent global pandemic.  For people in Taiwan, life includes travel restrictions, regular temperature checks, masks, and strictly enforced isolation for people who have travelled or feel sick.  It also includes going to work, restaurants, and the gym.  For the rest of us, we’re inside.  No socializing.  No yoga.  No gym. No eating out at restaurants.  No visits to the local coffee shop to sit, work or socialize.  Even the logs at the popular Vancouver beaches have been gathered and fenced in to prevent people from gathering and socializing in groups.  The quest to cope is daunting for many who feel like they have exchanged control of their lives for abject boredom.  However we continue to have control of how we perceive our situation and how we spend our time.

I am grateful that we our two week Spring break that pushed the card on self isolating and government enforcement of Health and Safety measures to prevent the spread of COVID-19 while my family, friends and my school community are still healthy.  Prior to the break, our school did a good job of reminding kids to wash hands properly, cough into their elbows, and maintain clean spaces and surfaces.  We are now in a better position to teach and reinforce the importance of social distancing.

My Grandma Derksen kept four young kids together and alive through-out World War II in Germany.  She lived to be 100 years old,  Her stories of rats nibbling on toes in emergency shelters and other horrific conditions framed her later life.  She demonstrated a fastidious attention to cleanliness.  For her joy came with a clean and organized household.  When I was newly married, I’d take a toothbrush to crevices when she came to visit and shove piles of stuff into closets.  The family joke has always been that the clean gene skipped my genetic make-up.  I prefer to go out and do something.  If I’m at home, I’d prefer to read or write rather than clean the house.

I was gifted with the collector gene of my Grandma Keenan.  Books, rocks, shells, tea cups, photos, letters and other treasures carry stories and possibilities.  My recent obsession with clean surfaces have brought the realization that the clutter also brings dust and presents a cleaning challenge.  I will require more than a two week lock-down to meet the Grandma Derksen standard, but I am well on my way.

My recent painting, organizing, and cleaning obsession has been made enjoyable with audio-books and the Netflix binge watch.  I have discovered that weekly featured audiobooks are available for under $10.00 and some great classics are even cheaper.  Nothing like a hard boiled detective with Tourettes to entertain you while you paint a bedroom.  Multiple seasons of a series on Netflix with well developed characters has kept me shuffling papers and sorting “stuff” well into the night.

Social media has the merits of checking in on people and statistics, but like binge watching television or the news can become a black hole.  It has the same capacity as empty grocery store shelves to fill me with anxiety and apprehension.  My mother was the ultimate worry wart.  The worst things that happened in her life were the things she never saw coming.  The worry just made her more nervous and less able to experience joy.  I have found the need to just turn it off.   Daily technology and television breaks are mandatory.

Reading is how I cope with life.  It allows me to shift gears.  It provides the front-end loading that feeds my curiosity and helps me process life.  It allows me to do big picture thinking and make sense of things in the past and yet to come.  It’s not an “add on” to a busy schedule but part of my life.  The additional time at home has diversified my reading.  I am even listening to a grisly book called Still Lives that would make my older sister proud – the ultimate consumer of scary books and movies.  I just finished a book called Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang that has reframed my thinking around work/ life balance.

Daily outdoor exercise is part of the mix.  It provides a welcome addition to the day.  There is something to be said for the positive addition of having time with nature to calm our nervous system and experience joy in its beauty.  There is time for long walks and bike rides.  My preference is for long bike rides because it gives me a better way to work out.  Spring is a great time of year.  As new growth emerges, so do the possibilities for learning, considering things in a new light and creativity.  With this new learning and inspiration comes the desire to write and to cook.  Olive’s bran muffins from when my cousin and I worked on 4th Avenue at The Computer Tax Service, Nanny Keenan’s oatcakes, along with homemade croutons have become staples.

By the end of the day, I still find I have more to do.   Today I will venture out into the rain.  Then the promise of a pot of tea and a good book.  Tonight I have decided that it will be date night.  I will put on nice clothes and perhaps even make-up and make a fancy dinner.   Something to change things up.  I may even let my husband teach me a new card game.  My husband will be delighted not to be co-opted into another organizational venture!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winning at Life

 

IMG_6471 2
High School Graduation from Magee Secondary – One Win

Simon Sinek could define school as a finite game that you choose to play.  It has an agreed set of rules that must be followed to win.  Do the work.  Pass the test.  Win with good grades.  Graduate.  Gordon, Renee and I were taking the win as we traipsed across the stag.  However, Life is an infinite game.  There is not an agreed upon set of rules.  How do you know if you’re winning?

Teachers have a special role in helping students to meet with success at school.  Teachers hone a skill set that takes their own personal interests and desire to teach children while focusing on ways to develop the skills for students to win at life.  This includes engaging in learning, developing healthy relationships, demonstrating resilience in the face of loss, and the flexibility and thinking skills to cope with change.   If the teacher is from British Columbia, they are challenged to consider how content can be used to develop core competencies (thinking, communicating, personal/ social)  to succeed in the requirements of daily personal and social life, currently defined jobs and those jobs that will emerge as possibilities in the future.

The most basic premise of self-regulation is the ability to manage your own emotions.  Accomplishing this task is the very basis of success in every aspect of life.  The flight or fight response is a basic instinct in animals in response to perceived danger.  This response is helpful to human beings when faced by a predator.  However, this response is not at all helpful in resolving conflicts with peers or persevering to solve a difficult math equation.  Teaching children to regulate their emotions, allows them to take control of the response of the reptilian brain to fight or run, and use strategies to calm down.  Only when students are calm, are they able to problem solve and learn effectively.  Dr Stuart Shanker isolates five domains of self-regulation:

  • biological
  • emotion
  • cognitive
  • social
  • pro-social

Considering the strengths and areas for development in all of these five domains requires a different approach to writing curriculum, teaching and reporting student learning to parents.  The old rules of playing the game included defining a specific body of information to memorize, testing to demonstrate mastery and grades to rank performance.  The playing field has broadened and so have the rules and the complexity of the game.  The intention of reporting student learning is to provide a teacher perspective about learning at a specific point in time that incorporates student voice.

Areas of strength are presented and often reflect student enthusiasm and focused attention.   Areas for further growth may reflect a need for repetition and practice, persistence, or use of strategies to focus attention.  Including the ways to support the student in developing the weaker areas or nurture burgeoning talents, keeps us responsible to attending to the specific needs of each child.  The ultimate goal is for the teacher, child and families to engage in celebration and goal setting in response to this information.

The British Columbia Ministry of Education mandates a minimum or five reports to parents.  The intention is to take into consideration the diverse ways that teachers engage parents in participating in the learning of their child.  It capitalizes on the research by John Hattie et al. that emphasizes improved student learning when parents are involved.  Conferences, formal report cards, celebrations of learning, phone calls, interim reports, notes home, and student agendas are all possible ways that teachers structure communication to involve parents in the learning of their child.  If you still have questions, call the teacher.  They undoubtedly will have more to say.

Not Just 4Parents

Parenting is a tough gig.  There is no “perfect” set of directions to follow that work with every kid and every situation.  I started to teach before I had children and bemoaned that if only parents could be consistent with some basic rules in the household, all would be well. Having my own children brought a new level of humility to my perspective.  Sometimes we are able to follow our intuition and get it right.  Sometimes we’re just tired and want to avoid conflict.  Sometimes we are left in search of the magic answer to steer us in another direction that will solve all issues and reassure us that we’re doing the “right” thing.  There is no easy answer and parenting continues as one of THE most work intensive endeavours of my life.

My mother had her well-worn copy of Dr. Spock in her bedroom bookcase well into my teen years.  My parenting bible was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish.  I read it repeatedly through the lucid moments, frustrations, phases and stages of bringing up my own two children.  For those parents bringing children up in the 21st Century, the “must read” is  The Dolphin Parent by Dr. Shimi K. Kang.  She is a Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist who provides advice in the form of prescriptions for parents who strive to raise children who have healthy relationships with the world and meet challenges with determination and hard work.

Dr. Kang provides a basic frame that divides parenting into three categories:

1. Authoritarian or the “I know best” parent.   Dr. Kang includes both the overdirecting and the overprotecting parents who micromanage their children’s lives.  This is an easy trap to fall into because many of us have been parented ourselves in this way.  She asserts that when parents micromanage their children’s lives, they are underparenting and thereby robbing children of a sense of control of their own lives.

The authoritarian parents include all of the types of parents with the familiar tags applied these days:

  •  “Tiger” parents ferocious in their dedication to pushing their children to achieve the competitive edge
  •  “Helicopter” parents waiting to swoop down to intercede on their child’s behalf
  • “Lawn mower or snowblower” who are always one step ahead of their child removing obstacles
  • “Bubble wrappers” – who see their role to protect children from even the slightest disappointment

She uses the metaphor of the butterfly to explain the problematic aspect of helping too much.  In his efforts to help, the little boy pulls off the cocoon that the butterfly is struggling to get free of.  To the little boy’s surprise, the butterfly doesn’t spread his wings and fly away.  The butterfly needed the time and struggle to develop the muscles and coordination to fly.

2.  Passive or “Jellyfish” parents  Dr. Kang frames these parents as those who avoid confrontation and underparent by failing to establish appropriate boundaries.  They fail to define socially appropriate expectations around respect, social etiquette or personal values.  These are parents who are overwhelmed with the demands of their own lives or strive to be best friends with their children.  They hand over control without providing guidance.  They struggle with saying “no” and will even resort to “turning a blind eye” or buying alcohol for their underage children to party with their friends.   Dr. Kant provides specific examples from her practice where these children end up irresponsible, impulsive, with poor relationships, a lack of respect for authority and an increased likelihood to engage in riskier behaviour.

3.  Authoritative parents establish clear rules and guidelines to support children in experiencing and coping with reasonable stress to develop the mental strength and resilience they need for independence.  This is where the metaphor of the dolphin comes in as a model of ideal for parenting.bottlenosedolphinmombabychinslapping-1

Dolphins are highly social animals and the bonding process is important.  Their young are provided with guidance and an opportunity to learn through play.  They experience natural consequences from mistakes through this playful exploration with the group.  Dr. Kang  is a big proponent of play to help students develop intelligence, emotional regulation, creativity and people skills.  Dr. Kang cites Albert Einstein’s quote “Play is the highest form of research” to emphasize the importance of play in a child’s life.  Overscheduling, memory drills, and repetitive practice puts the focus on demonstrating a specific skill set and kids don’t have the time to wonder.  They stop asking questions and will not risk an incorrect answer.  Apparently Edison failed 9,000 times before he eventually invented the lightbulb.  He had the benefit of experiencing the learning that comes from what is too often framed as “failure” rather than “learning”.   In the 21st Century, information is at our finger tips, but asking good questions is what generates innovation.

People have become very familiar with IQ or intelligent quotient as a standard measure of intelligence since the test was first widely applied to sort which soldiers would be sent to the front and which ones would be trained as officers in the U.S. Army prior to World War I.  However rote learning and regurgitation of information has not resulted in “smarter” students.  At the university level, The Faculty of Medicine, has needed to change requirements for entrance due to the fact that high achieving applicants do not demonstrate the problem solving ability or people skills to cope with the demands of a career in medicine.  We are learning that IQ is not the best measure of gauging how well a child will fair in life.

The 4 essential 21st Century Skills for success  have now been defined as CQ or Complete Quotient.  It has been determined by The Assessment and Teaching of 21st Century Skills, an organization at the University of Melbourne that includes more than 250 researchers from sixty different institutions worldwide.  These skills have been incorporated in educational institutions and workplace environments everywhere.  The higher the CQ of your child, the more adaptable, healthier, happier and more successful you child.  These skills include:

  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • communication
  • collaboration

As an educator and as a parent, I have come into contact with many parents and many styles of parenting.  In most cases, all of these parents love their children intensely and have grand aspirations for their happiness and success in their futures.  This book is an excellent way for parents to take a step back and consider what they really want to accomplish with raising their children.   We still want to develop the intellectual skills of our children, but also the ability to problem solve, self regulate, form meaningful human relationships and the resilience to cope with failure and keep on learning.  It also gives us the permission to bond with our children through joyful play and shared interests.